Mop and Suzie's theory on kissing

Surely everyone has experienced a bad kiss before. We certainly have. But what confused us is the way that two different people can kiss the same person and have different opinions on the quality of the kiss. And this leads us to the development of our theory that it is not so much the quality of the kiss but in fact the compatibility of the kissing partners. Everyone has their own kissing style and it depends on whether or not you kiss someone with a similar kissing style as to whether it is a good kiss. Some different kissing styles are outlined below...some good....most so very bad....

Type of kiss number 1: The washing machine
This kiss generally involves lots of tongue going in lots of different directions usully accompanied by lots of slobber. You should not have to wipe your mouth after a kiss and if you do have to then you can pretty fairly say that the kisser was a bit into the washing machine style of kissing. We really dont understand how anyone can actually enjoy this but there are probably compatible washing machine kissers somewhere...

Type of kiss number 3: The dry kiss
This is the opposite of the washing machine and usually occurs when one or both of the kissing partners has dry lips, and has the drys something bad. This type of kiss is common in the morning, particularly after a night of drinking or consumption or particular chemical substances. Morning kisses such as this can often be accompanied by various flavours (See Type of kiss number 4)

Type of kiss number 3: The lazy kiss
This is where the person you are kissing just doesn't really put much effort into the kissing which means you have to do all the work. Or vice versa....We can actually be accused of this one quite often, usually due to one of the following reasons: extreme drunkeness, too tired, just not that into the other person or just generally can't be bothered.

Type of kiss number 4: The flavoured kiss
Evolving from some type of oral digestive, the flavoured kiss can take many forms. Although girls love the shiny, sparkly, strawberry lip gloss, some guys dont really like it, particularly when they end up wearing it. As far as flavours go this one is not too bad, particularly when compared to: The Ashtray (cigarette smokers), The Fine Italian Cuisine (for lovers of all things garlic), The Bundy Breath (for lovers of rum eww), The Whopper Breath (HJ's should consider using an odourless form of onion) and many more. The flavour also tends to be worse in the morning. Is morning breath considered a flavour?

Type of kiss number 5: The Goldfish
This kiss is usually executed by people who watch movies and try to make their kiss look like it belongs in a soap opera. This kiss usually involves an open mouth that opens and closes much like a goldfish but there is no tongue. There is often a lot of head movement and swapping sides with this type of kiss.


Suggestions for quality kissing:

• Chew gum before the kiss (not that smelly nicotine gum)
• Soft kisses and gentle tongue (not too much tongue though)
• Attention to neck and ears (girls - make sure you wear a hint of perfume, no one likes a smelly neck; guys - have a shave, no one likes beard rash)
• Come up for air occasionally

Mop and Suzie's final tip... Always add an element of surprise