Mop's Subjective-Sporadic-Exclusivity

Everybody seems to be asking me lately, how do you define a relationship, when apparently you are not in one? For those of you who are not aware, I think I have come across the new way of dating – I have actually found a way of having all the benefits of being in a relationship, without classically having to be in one.

The five rules of the new-age subjective-sporadic-exclusivity:

1. There can be no labels.
2. When you are together, you are together – there is no picking up other people when in each others company.
3. Do not get pissed off, green-eyed, or become clingy... ever.
4. Picking up is allowed under the following conditions:
a) Essential use of a condom because nobody likes diseases.
b) Under absolutely no circumstances does the other person wish to hear or know about it, unless they ask for details.
c) There must be no evidence of the one night stand.
5. The other must attend all outings, birthdays, balls, events etc if required (and available).

This may possibly be the best non-relationship I've ever had.