Mop and Suzie's Theory On ... What Makes a Good Neighbour?

Good Neighbour Characteristic Number 1: They give us stuff
Part of being a good neighbour is sharing excessive amounts of things that you don't want. A great way to pawn off large bags of limes would be to give them to us, as we like to use them in our Cosmop cocktails. Neighbours should also be available to give us sugar, flour, eggs, condoms, vodka etc.

Good Neighbour Characteristic Number 2: They help us with stuff
Due to convenience, neighbours are the most useful people to call on in times of need. Times of need may include flat batteries, inability to assemble furniture, a lack of bubble wrap or excessive drunkenness leading to inability to drive.

Good Neighbour Characteristic Number 3: They invite us to barbecues regularly
Everybody loves a barbecue. Not everybody has a barbecue. This is why neighbours should always own a barbecue and invite us to consume food cooked on it often. These neighbourly barbecues should also be social occasions, bringing us to...

Good Neighbour Characteristic Number 4: They have hot friends
Unfortunately we seem to have a habit of thinking that the neighbour's friends are hot whilst under the influence of alcohol and being terribly disappointed in the morning. There is no escape from the evil neighbour friends who may develop stalking tendencies. This problem would be overcome if the neighbour's friends were attractive in the first place.

Good Neighbour Characteristic Number 5: Entertainment Value
The most effective way to cure boredom is to go and spend time with someone who is even boreder* than you. Neighbour's homes are often an untapped resource for CDs, DVDs, weird senses of humour and internet nerdism, all of which provide great entertainment.

Memorable Neighbour Moments:

• The time that we did not read the instructions of how to put the IKEA table together and managed to ruin our neighbour's drill bits whilst attempting to work it out. Being the lovely neighbours we are, we purchased a new set of drill bits for him.
• Providing a location for our neighbours to wrap presents.
• Being able to hear the sound effects to "The Newest Olympic Sport"
• Borrowing a lawnmover. Trying to work out how to use it.
• Using 4 neighbours to start one car with a flat battery. Turns out you need to put a foot on the brake to be able to put the car in neutral.
• Sending a neighbour's friend to Officeworks to buy 25 metres of bubble wrap.
• Talking to the neighbour on MSN despite him being 20 metres away.
• Calling our neighbour Craig for about 3 months before we were told his name was actually "Gray"
• Sharing taxis to various locations
• Sharing Scarborough Pizza

After writing this we have decided that we are quite possibly the Best Neighbours EVER.

*No, it is probably not a word