Thought of the day...

Saturdays and Wednesdays we get the paper delivered. We get the Wednesday paper because it has the liftout about Perth's most (not so) eligible bachelors. The guys in here obviously advertise themselves because they are not attractive or eligible enough to get a root any other way.

We get the Saturday paper because it has the TV Guide (The West Magazine) inside. Now this is just is not just your ordinary TV guide. It is full of all sorts of entertainment...The Danny Katz column, gossip pages, stories about random semi famous people and our personal favourite...a little section called "Go figure." This section has great pieces of useless information involving numbers. We love it.

Anyway, on Saturday the 26th March 2005 we saw the following pieces of useless information:

Cost of hiring a a kimono for a day where people wearing the traditional garment dont; pay for public transport: $35.

This got us thinking about an Australian equivalent that could be started. We need to embrace Australianism and respect our cultural heritage. This would surely ensue the following traditional clothing:

• Thongs - preferably double pluggers to avoid blow outs. Bare feet are also acceptable, as long as there is a build up skin on the bottom of the feet.
• Stubby holders around the wrist - for those moments where you need a cold drink but do not want a cold hand.
• Hat - either an Akubra or cork hat. All schools in Western Australia should make it compulsory for students to wear a hat such as this at all times. This will not only embrace the culture but protect them from such things as flies and sunburn.
• Items displaying the Aussie flag - To encourage Australian patriotism, citizens should be encouraged to wear at least one item of clothing displaying the Australian flag at all times. Some suggested items include: Aussie bikinis, corny shirts with sayings such as "Australians do it better," boardies bearing the flag or the highly stylish option of wearing a flag wrapped around the body toga-style.
• Other optional items - Some other forms of traditional dress may include, flannelette shirts (must have missing buttons and at least one rip), Singlet aka wife-beater (preferably a bit stretched out of shape and with a stain from tinned spaghetti down the front).

We would love to hear some other suggestions that you may have, to add a comment please click on the link below that says [x comments] and then click on 'leave a comment.' Thanks :o)

Coming Soon

We wrote a big long hilariously funny (well...funny to us) blog entry about out trip to Rotto and then it somehow got deleted and we got mad and threw stuff. So maybe we will write it again soon. Or maybe you could just imagine what our 4 days on Rottnest Island was like and write the blog for us....

Burn Some Ants

Suzie has pathetically poor eyesight. Although she wears contacts most of the time, occasionally she has to put on her glasses. Now these glasses are not just your average glasses….they are the thickest piece of glass you are likely to see in front of someone’s eyes, short of some type of bullet proof contraption. When she put them on her eyes look massive. Like those freaky dolls that seem to be in all the toy shops. When anyone else puts them on the first reaction is usually “Whoa!” followed by “they make me go cross eyed.” Now having such poor eyesight has also led to Suzie’s inability to catch a ball or park a car as she cannot judge distances. As you can imagine, this leads to Suzie being the butt of many jokes. Some recent highlights include:
“Stop looking at me with those things”
“Go outside and burn some ants”
“Watch out, you could start a fire with those glasses”
“Do you loan those glasses to Science labs?”
“Hey Blindy….catch” (followed by laughter when the packet of chewy hits her in the head)
“Damn these things are heavy”
“They look nice….until you see them up close”

Black (Bow) Tie Event

Geoff and Pete are two lovely blokes that are visiting from Queensland. We have been corrupting their poor minds with our antics and they love it. For Geoff's birthday we decided at the last minute to hold a black tie event. Out came the black cardboard and wool and suddenly there was some sort of party going on where everyone was wearing black ties. Drinks started out at our place then continued on in Northbridge (Shed, Base, Mustang) and Claremont (Clubba) until about 4am.

The Birthday Boy

Pete and Scotty from Innisfail (note to blokes: do not hit on Suzie when Scotty is around)

A few of the girls (before having way too many drinks)

What kind of birthday would be complete without a birthday cake? It's a guitar in case you can't tell. We bought frozen Sara Lee cake and Mop's mum iced and decorated it for us. We have learnt the hard way that we should never use the oven.

Happy 23rd Birthday Geoff! Hope you had a great time :o)

Mop and Suzie's theory on...What is class?

As frequently as possible, we try to go on walks - generally for about an hour that takes us on a loop from our house to the beach and back again. So, to entertain ourselves, we often come up with heated discussions - politics, religion and money among other things. We found ourselves one day talking about class - what is it exactly? Our first though was immediately that if you dress nicely, wore "labelled" clothing, have a nice house and car, and put time and effort into your appearance, that a person would be classified as classy.

However, we couldn't help but wonder - is there more to being classy than just money and appearance?

Take Paris Hilton for example:
She is never seen without some sort of Louis Vuitton accessory, be it a bag, shoes, watch, sunglasses, doggy carry bag etc. She wears nice (well, most of the time) clothing, undoubtably drives a nice car, lives in a palace, and would ultimately spend thousands, if not millions, of dollars every year into the way she looks. The Hilton dynasty is known all over the world, so does this facade count for everything?

Think of all the press lately. In most magazines or newspapers, there is usually not a nice thing to say about Paris Hilton. The majority of articles would usually refer to the notorious Paris Hilton sex video, that is now probably worth more than what she is, her dreaded behaviour at nightclubs - generally involving antics with some guy or girl, and her having a tattoo removed from her arse of her ex-boyfriends name. Would these, we ask, be the antics and behaviour of a classy girl?

On this note, we decided that there is so much more to being classy. We figure the key to being classy, is not only your accessorised appearance, but is also the way you act and portray yourself to the public. It is your body language, your mannerisms, and overall nature that would make you classy. Presentation and personality are everything - you may have all the money in the world, have a wardrobe of designer dresses, but if you don't have the actions to go with the fashion, we think that even if you make it, it won't be for the right reasons.

So Mop and Suzie's theory is: if you are going to do something or be someone, don't do it for the wrong reasons, do it for the right ones, and add a little "class" in your day!

Kiss Me, I'm Irish

Luck of the Irish to ya...

Unfortunately the printer ran out of green ink...

Geoff and Pete thought that Clubba was a bit strange. The comment was "This club is hell retro hey."

"Don't take a pic of me... I just spewed..."

Mop and Suzie’s theory on …. The Perth Police Force

A lot of people whinge about cops. They thing that these fellas in blue are corrupt and a waste of tax-payers. We think that they do a GREAT job and that they are pillars of the community for sure.

Reasons why cops are great Number 1 – Protecting us from danger
Well…this is the obvious answer. We like the fact that police presence can deter criminals and make us feel safe. Even though Perth is apparently one of the safest cities in the world (that is a quote from an 8 year old so don’t hold us to that one).

Reasons why cops are great Number 2 – Scaring naughty kids
There are a lot of bratty kids around and it is fantastic to use phrases such as “the policeman will get you if you do that”, “That is illegal, you can get put in jail for that”, “I’m calling the police.” Nothing like a good threat to get these kids in line.

Reasons why cops are great Number 3 – Free Rides
Every now and again, police see girls walking around at night and do the truly gentlemanly thing of asking them if they are allright. The answer to this must always be “No, Officer, I can’t get home, is there any way you can drop me at [insert location here].” This strategy also saves you a taxi.

Reasons why cops are great Number 4 – The Hat Factor
Walking between pubs and clubs can be a boring and tedious task at times, however when there are police present, there is always the opportunity to have a chat to one of them and ask if you can wear their hat. It is somewhat surprising the number of police officers that agree to this…..and the number of photos we have to prove it!

Reasons why cops are great Number 5 – Entertainment Value
Although not all cops can be this great, on Tuesday night / Wednesday morning we met two lovely boys in blue who kept us entertained for a good hour or so. We decided to go for a walk but were distracted by two pillars of the community who helped us pull a great stunt on our friends….they rocked up at our front door and threatened to arrest them. It was hilarious. They hung around for a good half an hour having a chat and they were entertaining even though they spend a decent amount of time taking the piss out of Suzie’s glasses.

In conclusion we have found that the saying “treat others the way you would like to be treated” applies when interacting with the Police Force. Be friendly and reasonable and they will often do the same. Except for some of those nasty traffic cops….

Rock On Rock It \m/

ROCK IT

SUMMER EDITION

GREEN DAY - GRINSPOON - SIMPLE PLAN - SHIHAD - SCRIBE - FRENZAL RHOMB - THE SPAZZYS - FAKER - LITTLE BIRDY - END OF FASHION - MR SANDMAN - THE FUZZ - DAY OF THE DEAD - THE FLAIRZ - STEVE PARKIN AND THE FOREIGN FILMS.

One fine summer's day the crew decided to go to Rock It, a festival event held at the Arena stadium at Joondalup. Most of us were there to see Green Day which led to all kinds of messages being written over us using Suzie's black texta. Suzie also put "kisses" (aka black texta crosses) on lots of people.

We thought it was an amazing conincidence that Joondalup had bring out your rubbish at this time and it was very entertaining when Scotty found a lampshade which soon became the team hat....

Throughout the day everyone got rather intoxicated through various means. The choice in alcohol was a bit disappointing as there is only so much UDL that one person can drink!

Most of the bands didnt stand out in our minds, possible due to the volume of the music, the quality of some of their performances and perhaps the excessive consumption of alcohol. But then.....Green Day took the stage. These guys were unbelievable. They played a two hour set, holding the audience in awe for the whole time. Some highlights of the set were Longview, Hitchin a Ride, Brain Stew, Basket Case and a cover of Queen's We Are the Champions (a super good rendition if we may say so). We were all a bit disappointed about Good Riddance being left out but still had the time of our lives and we hope that everyone else did too :o)

Quotable Quote

We saw this quote on a blackboard at Gloria Jeans in Hillarys and think it is great...

"THINGS TURN OUT BEST

FOR THE PEOPLE THAT

MAKE THE BEST OF

THE WAY THINGS TURN OUT"

Does anyone know who wrote it?

Dirty Rotten Pub

Was not terribly impressed with the standards of the Red Sea toilets. Saw not one but TWO cockroaches on the toilet floor. Then Suzie managed to get her thumb slammed in the door, not the normal door bit, in the hinge bit. Ouch. And we decided that the place has not got much atmosphere...or hot blokes. Disappointed :o(

Bling

Hehe. Got talking to some blokes at the Paddo who were asking for advice on picking up the ladies. We were not terribly helpful. The best advice we could give was to have some sort of novelty item such as a large bling bling dollar sign.... this advice was obviously taken seriously.

Mop and Suzie's Theory on Taxi Drivers

In our recent antics of quite regularly going out to pubs around the place, and generally becoming excessively inebriated making us incapable of driving home, we seem to be catching many taxis. With this in mind, does it make you wonder why taxi drivers never give discount? We always make an effort to try and talk to the driver, to keep him entertained for awhile, but no matter how hard you try, you always have to pay the whole fare. They are the only service in the world that don't have frequent shopper cards, and no matter how nice or chatty you are to them, you always have to pay full price, and they even expect a tip! Even when the cost of your fair is $20.10, there is no rounding down. You have to break that $10 note, just to get the extra 10 cents, and then, coz they are too lazy to get you change, you end up paying $25!

In light of this we have also discovered that a big problem when riding in cabs, is that often, it is a difficult task trying to figure out one thing - what exactly do you talk to a taxi driver about, whilst spending that 20 minutes in a cab? Our research have shown that there are safe topics, that are bound to keep you entertained for the entire ride home... or another pub... or somebody elses home... hmmm...! It is the eternal quest, that one day, somehow you can pay $20 instead of $25.

Things to talk to taxi driver about number 1: Name.
We usually get into the taxi and find out the drivers name straight away. If their name is difficult to pronounce (this occurs quite frequently given the descent of most taxi drivers) we just call them Taxi, TD, Hey You or Ian. Quite interestingly, we found that a lot of taxi drivers actually use a fake name when speaking to passengers. Dodgy. But we often tell them fake names such as Ingrid or Tabitha anyway so I suppose it's OK.

Things to talk to taxi driver about number 2: Country of origin.
The majority of taxi drivers appear to be male, and not of Australian "Yokka" decent. You will be enlightened, by asking this question, of some exciting random places such as Afghanistan or Bangladesh. We have often found that other exciting places also include Serbia, Macedonia, and Equador. This would also be the explanation for conversation to be lacking enthusiam due to the english barrier.

Things to talk to taxi driver about number 3: Busy night?
We have found that a great way to get a conversation started, is to ask taxi drivers "Have you had a busy night?". Although, you are not the slightest bit interested in the rate-of-pick-up, most drivers will generally give you an answer regardless of something like "yeah, it's not too bad." They will then, without prompting, go on to tell you about the guy they picked up in mandurah who was on his way to the airport, longest drive ever, or about the girls they just picked from some stupid place, to go to some pub that you don't even care about.

Things to talk to taxi driver about number 4: The Weather
This conversation starter is often used when there really is nothing to talk about. Usually there is a big silence preceding this topic followed by a comment such as "Nice weather we've been having lately" or "How about that rain last week?" Quite often this will be followed by TD talking about how much he loves the wetaher in Australia as opposed to [insert country here].

Things to talk to taxi driver about number 5: Children.
Taxi drivers love their children, and in our discoveries, they all have them. You will find that their children are always brilliant, intelligent, fantastic, incredible, and above all, just great! This has made us come to the conclusion that the taxi driver gene is a super powerful one, making us wish that our parents should have been taxi drivers too. Conversations about children will generally keep you occupied for approximately 5 minutes.

Things not to say in taxis:

• "Have I seen you before in the newspaper? What was your name again? Osama bin Laden?"
• "I think I'm going to spew"
• "Can you just go via my dealer's house so I can pick up some gear?"
• "Do you give out free rides, because I don't have any cash" (generally used when you are around the corner from your destination)
• I just got out of prison

Never allow Mop and Suz to go shopping....ever

After a long weekend of drinking we thought it would be a good idea to spend Monday night at home, watching DVD's. We also thought it would be a good idea to go for a walk and were intrigued by a funny smell that we soon realised was the smell of 3 days worth of alcohol leaking out from our pores.

Anyway, the visit to the video store resulted in us spending over $100 on DVD's. Titles include such classics as:

• Dumb and Dumber
• Wayne's World
• Get Shorty
• Kalifornia
• Jackass: the movie
• Return to OZ (if you haven't seen this, please do...immediately)
• Care Bears Volumes 1 & 2 (we are hoping that we love these as much now as we did when we were kids)

Novelty Hat

On Sunday Suzie had her uni graduation. She was a bit pissed off cos she had to leave the Left Bank which appears to be where all of Perth's hottest blokes hang out. Imagine holding a graduation, one of the most boring events possible, on the eve of a PUBLIC HOLIDAY!! We came up with a great game called "give a score out of 10 for the difficulty of the name of the graduand." Well, that wasnt really the name of the game but although we were university graduates we were not able to think of anything more creative.

Meanwhile, Mop and Shendelle drank champagne at the Left Bank, then the OBH then good old Clubba.

Carissa's Pimping Good Time

Happy Birthday to our good mate Carissa (pictured below with some randoms), who's birthday was on Saturday - giving us all another excuse to go out and party! For something different, we decided to go to The Shed, because we never go there... anyhow, turns out that they know us all now and we managed to skip the line and get straight in. To give the band a bit of a plug - they are called "Audioperv", are playing at some of Perth's hottest locations, and for a cover band, aren't to shabby at all! So here we all were at the Shed bopping away to the tunes, dancing with blow up dolls and Cowboys, until finally the thrill was over and we decided to move on. So Mop, Suzie, Shendelle and Kylie (first mentions of Kylie on the blog, you should come round more often...) trooped themselves off to the Mustang Bar, however got a bit lost on the way. We ended up at the Elephant and Wheelbarrow, then to Base to drink some Cosmopolitans and Japanese Slippers (the line at the Mustang was way to long) before making our way back to Mustang. We ended up jumping the line because Shendelle was talking to some guy with a mullet at the front and we were "from Sydney" so he was all excited and we were in within about 5 minutes. After a couple of drinks and dancing we all ran our way through the streets of Northbridge to try and get a cab. We got one eventually and had the most fantastic taxi driver ever whose name's "Dougie", who bounced us all the way to Claremont (Clubba... haven't been there in awhile... hehe). Has anyone ever realised that Clubba on a Saturday night is really average? We have only just established this and have now decided that we will no longer end our evenings there. So anyway, Dougie, our new best friend, gave us his number (his "mobbill", as he says with his London accent), and we now have a personilised taxi service, which we have appropriately named "Call on me.... Dougie.." Think that's about all we have to say about Saturday night...

PS. We had Hungry Jacks and Kylie ate the onion rings and the Spicy Chicken was dammmnnnnn spicy

PPS. Happy Birthday again, Kiss, hope you had a great day, we luv you foreva :) xx