Mop and Suzies theory on ... What makes a bachelorette eligible?

Now that the search for Perth's most eligible bachelor is over, the search is on for Perth's most eligible bachelorettes. Now we momentarily considered entering this search, but whilst looking at the entry form we began to wonder "What exactly is an eligible bachelorette?"

We are assuming that the eligibility of a bachelorette is based on the male's opinion of the bachelorette in question. In essence, this would surely mean that the eligible bachelorettes were attractive looking, with hot bodies and hopefully a personality and job that will fuel the man's ego and make him feel important. The woman in question would also benefit from a few other traits. We have outlined our potential applications below:

Name and details: Girl. (does this information really matter)
Occupation: Personal Assistant to director of Tooheys.
In a few words, tell us why the nominee is a desirable single: nymphomaniac, enjoys staying at home whilst man goes out with his mates and happy to pick his drunk arse up at any time of day or night, great cook, great fun to be around and good at entertaining others, spends very little money and hates shopping (but always looks fantastic), gets unlimited free beer from work, doesnt mind guys who are balding and have a beer gut, no living parents, likes the toilet seat to be left up, gets ready to go out in approximately 30 seconds, likes watching all sports and shouting at a television, laughs at partner's jokes (even when not funny)....

The return of 'Shoop'

Everyone at some point in time has heard of the 80's - early 90's ganstarrr rap girl group "Salt'n'Pepa". You may have even heard a few songs - "Let's Talk About Sex" and "Push It", but we think that the greatest song ever produced by this fantastic group is the number one hit "Shoop". What is even more exciting, is that we have discovered that one of the rare places in Perth to play this song, is Club Bayview in Claremont, and on occasion, the Left Bank in Fremantle.

Everywhere we go, we actually request this song to be played, however most places shut us down and prefer to stick to their 50 Cent - Gwen Stefani style music. So in order to overcome this absolutely horrendous problem, we have decided that "Shoop" can be sung to almost any song that is played in a pub!

Some songs that we rap "Shoop" along with include (and figure we could pull off a pretty good remix of our own):
* Rage Against the Machine - Killing in the name of
* Tag Team - Whoop! There is it
* House of Pain - Jump
* Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit
* Dr Dre & Snoop Dogg - The Next Episode

Any requests for Mop and Suzie to record and release a remix?! Let us know!

The 30 day challenge: Day 5

So far neither of us have spent a cent on either alcohol or taxis.

Suzie managed to lose a $49 vodaphone recharge card for her phone within 3 minutes of buying it and thought that that money would have been much better spent on taxis and alcohol, but still stuck to the challenge.

Which alcoholic drink are you?

Suzie....



Wine..what the?? I hate wine!! And this doesn't sound like me at all....


Mop....



Vodka

hehehe... if i had a superpower it would be to throw custard pies at people from anywhere at anytime!! :)


Try this quiz for yourself...
?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??

Where is the Love?

Unfortunately, on this Anzac Day Eve, Mop had to work. This did not stop Shendelle, Kylie and Suzie from making the most of the opportunity to go out.

Stop 1: Breakwater Hotel, Hillarys
A nice oldies pub with a great little cover band.

Stop 2: Shendelle's House
A place to stock up on drinks and to get a free feed (thanks mum). Money can also be borrowed here...

Stop 3: The Shed, Northbridge
A place to meet Sarah, where Suzie stacked it down a step. Not very busy, bit of a dodgy band on, not worth staying.

Stop 4: Mustang Bar, Northbridge
What a laugh!! Some sort of old school jive night was happening here. Average age of pub-goers = 40.

Stop 5: Wandering the streets of Northbridge
Looking for somewhere decent to go. No luck....

Stop 5: Porn shop
For a laugh we checked out the items on display at Club XXX and then watched a $2 peep show but the lady yelled at us... "1 per booth...close the door" haha

Stop 5: The Left Bank, Fremantle
Busy and full of fun, we stayed here till it closed (10pm). Impressed with the good value drinks - $5 daiquiris and $7.50 red bull & vodka. We did a survey here... "How many people respond when we greet them with a freindly greeting. " Results of the survey have shown that approximately 41 out of 52 people respond.

Stop 5: The Clink, Fremantle
How can a place that smells so badly of spew still be so much fun? Good tunes and good layout, we had a surprisingly good time here (although ashamed to admit it).

haha just realised that there are 4 stop 5's oops

Last stop: O'Connor MacDonalds
Nothin better than a double cheeseburger at 1am

Happy Anzac Day :)

Mop and Suzie's 30 day challenge to save money and livers

In an effort to save money and livers Mop and Suzie are doing a 30 day challenge... from the 25th of April until the 25th of May, 2005, no money AT ALL is to be spent on either alcohol or taxis. Existing alcohol in the house can be consumed, as long as no taxi is needed to leave the premises.

Current alcohol stocks:

• 3.5 bottles of wine
• 2 champagnes
• 1 700 ml Smirnoff vodka
• 0.6 blue label Absolut vodka
• 0.75 cheap crap vodka
• 0.25 buttterscotch schnapps
• 0.5 Kahlua
• 0.5 coconot liquer
• 0.1 blue curacao
• 0.4 advocaat liquer
• 0.4 malibu
• 0.5 melon schnapps
• 0.3 white creme de cacao
• 0.5 tia maria
• 0.6 jim beam
• 12 assorted varieties of beer, generously donated to the mop and suzie fund (ie. if it gets left at our house, it becomes ours)
• 7 varieties of pre-mix drinks (also acquired as above)

THE MOTIVE: We have been talking about what holiday we want to have over new years and realised that pretty much ALL our choices require money that we dont have. Also Suzie has bad skin, possibly as a result of a damaged liver.

Why we like.....the Wine Bar

Just next to Villa Bianchi in Scarborough is a little wine bar that we had never been to before. After a text message from an old friend, Mop and Suz decided to give this bar a go and this is what we thought:

1. Good drinks - Being a wine bar, this bar obviously has a great range of wines. They also have a very attractive cocktail list.

2. Good atmosphere - This bar has got a bit of top 40 style music playing but it is quiet background music so you can still have a chat to the people you are with. Although initially we thought this may be a 'seedy old man' pub, it actually has a classy feel about it.

3. Comfort - The wine bar has couches, bench seats and tables and chairs, all of which are attractive and comfortable. There is also air conditioning.

4. Food - although we did not try out the food, it is great to visit a bar that has a decent menu.

We will surely be visiting this place again as a venue for a quiet drink with friends, or a starting point before a big night out.

The best birthday present ever...

Everyone loves presents. There is no doubt about it. What is great is when you get an awesome present that you know the person put heaps of thought and effort into. A great example is this present from Jess, Suzie's sister.

1. Card - the card is really the most important part cos thats the bit where they write nice things about you. For the occasion, Jess chose a particularly good card, obviously made in some Asian country with the message "Please accept my best wishes." Who knew you had to ask someone to give them your best wishes???

2. Plastic tablecloth - this is a quite hideous, plastic-backed table cloth. Fow what reason it was chosen we don't know. When asked what she wanted for her birthday, Suz said "I don't know...maybe some stuff for the house." A plastic table cloth is surely the answer.

3. 4 blue plastic bowls - bowls for eating out of. Why? Because Jess doesn't like it when she comes over and has to eat out of the square bowls that we have. A very generous gift.

4. Incense - this is some smelly coconot stuff. Maybe Jess is telling us that we stink??

5. Black scarf and black bag - these two necessary items will never go astray in Suzie's wardrobe.

6. Babysitters club book - Gotta love novelty items. This book (a bargain at only 60c) was chosen because Suz used to read Babysitters club and this particular book is about a birthday. So thoughtful.

7. Earring and brooch - Every girl loves accessories and these were very well chosen ones. Well done Jess, you bloody legend.

and...the best thing of all...

NOVELTY OVERSIZED STAR SHAPED SUNGLASSES!! Enough said.

So...a huge thanks to Jess for the awesome present and tanks to everyone else that helped to make Suzie's 23rd birthday special xox

Everything in the world that is wrong can be blamed on:

1. Religion
2. The Media

Comments please...

Blogs of Note

Blogger has a section on their home-page called "Blogs of Note." Unfortunately, we do not seem to be on this list even though we obviously deserve to be. There are also lots of other blogs we have somehow come across that also deserve the recognition of being a "Blog of Note." In response to this we have created out own list of "Blogs of Note" to show the world (or the few individuals that check this site) the truly notable blogs.

Mop and Suzie's top 5 Blogs:

Blog of Note Number 1: http://mopandsuz.blogspot.com
Well, what can we say....you came here, it must be a bit of alright hey?

Blog of Note Number 2: http://checkoutchicks.blogspot.com/
Having both worked in retail for way too long, we can appreciate what these disgruntled checkout chicks are talking about and they are very funny. Hoping you never get served by them :o)

Blog of Note Number 3: http://xiaxue.blogspot.com/
This chick won Asian blog of the year and about 30 thousand other awards. She has attitude and this blog is always a laugh.

Blog of Note Number 4: http://premiumscotch.blogspot.com/
This is the "Home of the Discerning Boozehound" and is quite entertaining cos these guys seem to drink as much as us. The "Zombie and News" bits are pretty good too...who needs to watch the news when they pick out the good / controversial / funny bits for us??

Blog of Note Number 5: http://mellipop.blogspot.com/
An interesting and funny read from a fellow Perth girl.

Blog of Note Number 6: http://gofugyourself.typepad.com/

Great fashion advice here...if you aim to skip the line at Onyx anyway...(really, spend some time in the 'normal people' line for a while and you will see some sad examples of fashion). And boys, you can sometimes see nipple on this page haha

We are sure there are lots more that deserve to be blogs of note so let us know if there are any suggestions.

Are you Mcleans showing?

We decided that it would be a good idea when we were food shopping to buy two lots of toothpaste, and a second toothbrush each, so that we each had one for the shower and one for the basin (and of course toothpaste for each location).

Probably not surprisingly, we decided to buy "Spongebob Squarepants" toothbrushes - completely amusing for five minutes - and then discovered on the back of the packet there is actually a whole bunch of useless information:

NIFTY NAUTICAL FACTS

• A garden snail travels 0.05 kph
• Starfish can regenerate lost body parts
• Baby squirrels are called kittens
• Sponges drink about 64 glasses of water daily

...Sometimes we even surprise ourselves at the antics we get up to...

Quotable quote...

Mop: What did you have for dinner?
Geoff: Had a kebab. Spilt it on my pants.

Guess you had to be there...it was funny at the time....

Mop and Suzie's theory on .... mullets

No one is truly sure where this hideous hair style originated from but there are two possible theories in circulation. The first is the "Business at the front, party at the back" idea, whereby wearers of the mullet can look sophisticated and professional from the front with a neat haircut, whilst still maintaining a bit of a boagan party look at the back. Another theory is that the mullet was invented by surfers who wanted to have long hair to stop their neck and shoulders from getting sunburnt, but the short top prevented the surfer from having problems with hair getting in their eyes.

It has been said that mullets are irrestible to women and that every woman loves a mullet. We are not too sure about this one. Mullets were slightly cool for a period in the late 80s / early 90s and it is quite sad that some are hanging on the this outdated fashion. For an even briefer period about 6 months ago mini mullets were also kind of stylish .. until every second guy decided to grow a mini mullet.

Despite us not really liking mullets, we still take photos of every bloke with a true blue Aussie mullet. We have decided not to put them up to maintain the anonymity of people with mullets...and cos we often take photos of them withut them knowing about it. And a lot of guys with mullets are mean boagans that might beat us up and steal our shoes hahaha.

There are many websites dedicated to the love of mullets. Some particularly good ones can be found here....

This website gives great advice on mulleteering and how to spot a mullet. Great advice right here. http://members.iinet.net.au/~shicks1/mullet/mullet.html

This website follows the life of a man with a mullet. Very funny. http://www.umop.com/mullet.htm

Although a bit difficult to navigate there is some great info on this site. The Classifications section is particularly good. http://www.mulletsgalore.com/

Show us your shirt....

(This last one was actually on a chair)

If you have any pictures of great shirts to send us please do...

Hi, I'm Suzie, It's my birthday and I like bubble wrap

For Suzie's birthday we had our mates around for drinks then went to the Lookout. To add a bit of novelty to the event we bought 25 metres of bubble wrap (which was a hit at the pub). We also made "name-tags" so everyone could remember who they are. They included useful information written on bubble wrap....some examples are:

• Hi, I'm Mop. I live here
• Hi I'm Suzie's sister
• Hi, I'm Scotty and I'm too hotty
• Hi, I'm Shendelle and I love karaoke
• Hi, I'm Geoff and I'm from Queensland and I snore
• Hi, I'm JONO81 and in the morning I like my eggs scambled
• Hi, I'm Stubbs and I like to rock out
• Hi, I'm Ridgy and it is my birthday TODAY
• Hi, I'm Disco and I have a mullet
• Hi, I'm Katie and I love hot guys
• Hi, I'm Kylie and I'm a devil in disguise
• Hi, I'm Amy and I enjoy long walks along the beach
• Hi, I'm Jacky and I'm Suzie's hot hairdresser

We're sure you get the idea....

Yay a cake with rubber duckies on it....a big thanks to Geoff and Mop and Pete for sorting that one out.

1000 Hits Celebration

To coincide with Suzie's Birthday Party tonight, we have also decided to have a "1000 Hits Celebration" of the Adventures of Mop and Suzie website. It's not quite there yet, however we figure by the time everyone is ready to party, our ticker would have hit 1000. As well as this, we are celebrating our new best friends, Pete and Geoff, departure, as they are heading back to sunny Queensland for a fishing trip, and counting down very quickly their days left in Perth. (sorry, we're not really celebrating, the only way to overcome the sadness is pretend to be happy) Oh, and one more.. it is our good pal Ridgy's birthday too, which we will also be celebrating... and also Matt (Snowy's brother). Happy Birthday to all y'all too.

So really, it's party, party, party all around tonight, with celebrations going on at Mop and Suzie's house here there and everywhere. Guess we will need a giant birthday cake.

Congratulations Mop and Suzie for the hours of hilarious entertainment and mountains of useless information. Really, 1000 hits isn't enough to express to joys you bring to people's lives. "Long live the Adventures of Mop and Suzie"

BTW.. Hello to Geoff's Mum.. we know you regularly read this website and are disappointed that you have not yet left us a comment :( ...and thanks for helping us hit 1000. (PS your boy is doing just fine, he misses his Mum lots...)

The University of Mop and Suzie

It is an interesting thing. On Wednesday, when Mop and Suzie were scoping out the last week of Perth's Most Eligible Bachelors in The West Australian, we came across one bloke who was an "exercise physiologist". We both wondered with this, what exactly is an exercise physiologist, is it just a glorified gym instructor?

Come later that evening, in a discussions with one of the girls, who claimed when she finished her uni degree, she is going to keep working in retail, and still be an exercise physiologist - who apparently is somebody who has completed a Degree in Sports Science.

This made us think that perhaps Sports Science degrees (or Human Movement for you fancy "i'm too cool" people out there...) are perhaps as as arbitrary as Arts degrees, in that you pay $30 000 for an education, and if you don't become a teacher, you basically have nothing else to do with your overpriced education.

Right as we speak, Mop should be working on one of her 5000 assignments she has to do in order to complete her Business degree. Eventually she will get a real job. Suzie has a Teaching degree, and has a real job. However, we have decided to establish our own University.

The "University of Mop and Suzie", will give you the chance to earn a Bachelor's Degree of Sweet F-A, Majoring in Sitting on Your Arse. Most job prospects will have you earning somewhere between $100 000 and $150 000 per annum, all by watching box sets of Sex and the City (or the male equivalent).

Registration for the University of Mop and Suzie can be completed by writing a comment...

(And apologies to all you Sports Science / Arts wannabes, we know you work just as hard as what the rest of us do)

Backpackers are tight-arses

For all you fun loving party goers out there, ever been to The Deen on a Monday night, which not surprisingly is backpacker night. Monday night is "Manik Mundaze" (obviously the creator of this eventful evening had trouble learning how to spell... else that how foreigners spell these things...), and believe it or not, there is no where else in Perth where you can find Twister competitions and Crazy Crab races! We recommend that everyone, if they get the chance, head down to The Deen and check out this craziness. There is also a live acoustic band and DJ, somewhat of a different mix - they were playing garage bom bom stuff with the DJ, and then decided to play "Glycerine" by Bush, bit too much of a contrast... but still some good songs. The band also takes requests which is cool... however they only managed to be able to play one of our many requests.. why couldn't a three piece acoustic band play "Shoop" - it is a wonder to everyone!!! But for all you Powderfinger / Jack Johnson / Pete Murray / Pearl Jam / Ben Harper fans, it's not a bad evening at all!

P.S. Don't expect any free drinks from people... hence the title of this entry.

Suzie's theory on ... why sea otters are the smartest animals

There sems to be a common misconception that apes, dolphins, labradors and other assorted animals are the smartest creatures aside from humans on Earth. Recent research by Suzie has found that in fact sea otters are much smarter than all of the above animals for a number of reasons.

Sea otters are vastly underestimated for their intelligence. For what reason, we do not know. They are a cute creature and are part of the Weasel family, perhaps these two features of otters are part of their demise when people are considering making value judgements of the intelliegnec of various animals. This article aims to inform you of some of the amazing things that sea otters do, so that you too will realise how intelligent they really are.

Reason why otters are the most intelligent animal number 1: They are the only tool-using marine mammal

As sea otters are carnivores their prime diet consists of shellfish such as clams, mussels, urchins, crabs and abalone. They float on their back, put a stone on their belly and use it as an anvil, cracking shellfish and mussels against it repeatedly to crack the shell. They usually keep a favourite rock and use it many times. Bloody genius.

Reason why otters are the most intelligent animal number 2: They can sleep in water without floating away

Personal experience has shown that it is quite difficult to sleep in the ocean without drowning drifting away. Sea ottters have very cleverly overcome this problem. They wrap pieces of seaweed or kelp around themselves to keep them anchored whilst sleeping. Bet you didnt think of doing that?

Reason why otters are the most intelligent animal number 3: They avoided extinction

It has been said that otters would likely be extinct by now because of their valuable pelts (fur) which are worth up to $1200 each. Humans helped stop this fur trade, but it is likely that this was becasue of a couple of very smart actions by the sea otters: they would nuzzle up to hunters that were about to club them to death. They would also turn away from the hunters and cover their eyes with their forepaws. How could you knock off a little creature doing that? These otters are working the moves....

Interesting facts about sea otters:

• They are very noisy and use a range of noises to communicate various needs
• They are agile enough to take buttons, belts, rings, and things in pockets with ease that only comes from pickpockets.
• The Sea Otter will use its paws to stash food from the bottom of the ocean in baggy pockets of skin under its forelegs.
• They can live up to 23 years
• Some male sea otters can weigh up to 45 kilos
• Groups of otters are called rafts
• They eat up to 25% of their body weight each day to survive
• Sea otter babies are nearly as big as their mothers (ouch)
• They are the onyl marine mammals to have fur instead of blubber
• Otters are believed to have lived on Earth for 30 million years
• When mating the male otter holds on to the female otter's face with his teeth. The female otter often has scars to remind her of the encounter.
• They are one of the only animals that eat sea urchins, so they keep the sea urchin population down, preventing destruction of kelp species.

So there you have it...otters are both interesting and intelligent...just like the creators of this website haha

To find out more about sea otters, try these websites:
http://www.otternet.com/index.htm
http://www.yptenc.org.uk/docs/factsheets/animal_facts/sea_otter.html

Mop and Suzie’s theory on ... the cultural phenomenon of why we drink

Suzie works with a girl who does not drink. At all…ever…and never has. This should not be strange, but it made us realise that this is the ONLY person we know that is a TOTAL non-drinker. Sure, we know some people that only drink occasionally, or used to drink but do not any more. But this girl is a 23 year old Australian female that has never had so much of a taste of alcohol in her entire life. This got us thinking…Why has drinking become so socially acceptable to the point where it is more acceptable to be an alcoholic than it is to be a complete non-drinker?

Reasons why we drink Number 1 – Upbringing
We’re not sure about you guys, but did you ever get taken out with your parents when you were a child, where they would go to a pub and have drinks and noise and dancing and you would dance your little heart out on the stage? Did you get put under the table to sleep? Did you used to sit on Dad’s lap while he was drinking a beer and have the occasional sip? When we grow up seeing this behaviour as a standard part of adult life, it is really not surprising that we begin drinking in the first place.

Reasons why we drink Number 2 – Stress of modern life
Most jobs in today’s fast paced society involve a reasonable level of stress. There are always performance targets, more work to do than time allows and staff to contend with. With long working hours and busy lives outside of work, Australian workers often feel the need to have an alcoholic beverage to “wind down” after a long day or week. It also gives workmates a chance to gossip about things happening at work and bitch about various work realted people, places and things.

Reasons why we drink Number 3 – Social expectations
It is quite rare to find Australians between the ages of 17 and 24 that do not go to venues where alcohol is served on a regular basis. It is inevitable that attendance at these places is likely to lead to drinks being purchased and consumed, quite often in large amounts. Drinks are often bought in rounds and unless you have a legitimate reason for not drinking (such as being the designated driver or being on hardcore medication), a social expectation is that you will drink and keep up with the crew.

Reasons why we drink Number 4 – Boredom
Yes, we rave about how fantastic Perth is however it is not a city that is bursting with things to do that do not involve consumption of alcohol in any way, shape or form. If people were to attend the same places repeatedly it is sure that they would soon become bored of such locations. Drinking often solves this problem as it gives each location a different vibe and can dramatically change the events of the occasion. It also gives you great skills in inventing challenges or games that can provide relief from boredom.

Reasons why we drink Number 5 – To increase the attractiveness of the opposite sex.
It’s hard to pick up hotties all the time, especially in Perth which has a relatively low concentration of good looking men, so alcohol is a great aid in lowering your standards and helping you to meet members of the opposite sex. One of the other fantastic side effects of alcohol is the effect on memory, meaning that you can often forgot how mingin they actually were.

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There once was a place called Rotto....where people go to get Blotto

For the Easter long weekend we decided to go to Rottnest Island. We somehow managed to get last minute accommodation at the Youth Hostel so by Good Friday we were ready to jump on the ferry and go to Rottnest. Pirate hats were needed for the ferry over. Although Pete pulled off the Pirate look quite well, he wished he was really a sailor. He and Geoff had not realised how far Rotto is from Perth and wanted to take the dinghy - it took some convincing to talk them out of it.

Rottnest is a great place for a few reasons.

1. Great forms of transport (tandem bikes and funny cars). We though it was hilarious to see the "car park" at the pub which consisted of bike racks filled with about 200 bikes.

2. Funny animals (quokkas) that love alcohol nearly as much as we do. (Fellas, get a room)

3. A pub that is busy from 10am. The pub was a 1 km trek from where we were staying which meant lots of drunken stumbles and bike stacks. After a few drinks we played "never ever" which involved some very funny confessions and stories too naughty to be published on this blog.

4. Karaoke. Shendelle danced her little heart out at the love shack Governor's Bar, "Tin roof.....rusted". We laughed our little hearts out at her.

5. Great shopping choices. Seeing as Geoff and Pete bought no clothes to the island we spent quite a while in the surf shop helping them to buy clothes and helping ourselves to buy novelty items such as fluffy pink earmuffs. We also bought a 1980's style canvas backpack, Simon the Seal blow up water toy, beach ball, touristy stubby holders and shot glasses, boomerang....think that's about it.

6. Beaches. Rottnest has lovely beaches. We liked them as a place to sleep, do nudie runs, skinny dipping and write funny messages on people's backs using sunsceen.

7. The people. We actually though most of the people on the island were pretty crap and we had a high concentration of these crap people staying in our room. Perhaps they were no fun because they didnt like us and our decision to pay for 3 beds yet bring 6 people. We were however quite stoked with the number of mullets, hawaiian shirts and ugly shorts that could be seen. No Easter weekend would be complete without a visit from Jesus. He forgave us our sins and bougth us a round too. Jesus is a top bloke.

8. The trip home. Air conditioning, a power point for the CD player, beer and sausage rolls. What more could we want. As much fun as a weekend away is, we are still glad to be home so we dont have to shower in thongs and so we can canoodle as much as we like.

Mop's Dad's Theory on: What to Wear...

***RING RING***

[Start phone call]

Dad: Hello

Mop: Hi! How are you going?

Dad: Good

Mop: What should I wear tonight (*note: mop is going to a family dinner)

Dad: I don't know - decent clothes?

Mop: Decent clothes you reckon? I was going to wear indecent ones... (*note: sarcasm)

Dad: Well, if everyone else is wearing decent clothes and you are wearing scabby ones, you'll feel yuck. But if you're wearing decent ones, it doesn't matter what everyone else is wearing, at least you'll feel good no matter what.

Mop: Ok, sounds good. I'll see you soon.

Dad: Bye.

[End phone call]

House Rules

We often have people at our house before going out and we often find that on Saturday and Sunday mornings the house is a mess - rubbish, dishes, dress-ups, matresses etc. We also found that there was often a strange smell coming from the kitchen...caused by people taking food out of the fridge to put their drinks in (in case you were wondering, milk says 'store below 4 degrees' for a reason).

With this in mind we have formulated some rules to be followed when at our house.....

(1) Don’t be a sad-sack. Smiling must be observable at all times. When we say “say cheese”, we mean it.
(2) Dress ups are located in the pantry in the large box on the right. If you wish to wear some sort of novelty item, feel free to go and get one, but it must be returned to its rightful location. Eg. Do not leave on table in backyard.
(3) Garbage bags are located at various “drop spots” around the backyard. Please place all rubbish, including beer cans, bottles, cups, food, people that annoy you etc. in them. The area is under 24-hour video surveillance. You will be caught and prosecuted.
(4) Do not use any items from the kitchen. If you are in need of a glass, plastic ones will be provided. If it is a necessity for you to use a kitchen utensil, Mop and Suzie may consider the availability of this item, and it may be possible for you to use. For disposal of plastic cups, please refer to Rule (3).
(5) The fridge is generally full of food. Do not remove it. Beer belongs in the esky that you should have brought.
(6) All alcoholic beverages that remain on the premises after the party will in turn become the property of Mop and Suzie.
(7) In the event that you have a “sleep over” at Mop and Suzie’s house, all mattresses, pillows, blankets, and all other bed attire, must be returned to where they belong. Eg. In the lounge or in the cupboard under the stairs.