Funbury

Seeing as there was not much happening on Saturday night, Shendelle and Suzie decided to go to Bunbury. Now Bunbury does not have a name for being a terribly exciting or classy place to visit but we had a brilliant time there anyway.

We decided against the $16 a night backpackers and went for the quaint Rose Hotel, where we met a lady quite deserving of the "Most Unhappy Receptionist of the Year" award. It was a great place to drink before heading to Reef Hotel. Now, when we arrived at Reef we found out 2 wonderful pieces of information. It was a FLIRT party and people were supposed to dress up TOGA style. Gold. Unfortunately there was hardly anyone there so we cruised over to the Prince of Wales Hotel, where we joined a private party until we got kicked out. We soon found the proper entrance, where we were told it was $15 entry. Why? Because Thirsty Merc were on. So we watched their set which was a bit of alright. The highlight of the gig was the discovery that the sound guy was not wearing PANTS. Jocks but no pants!! Bunbury just gets better and better. After the set ended we went back to Reef which was quite busy by this time. Everyone had a number and there was a screen where messages came up. We went to town with this, sending messages such as "I am in love with you Suz" "Shendelle, so hot right now, Shendelle" and "6139 - Ever heard of deoderant?" When Reef closed we went to some other dodgy bar and eventually got tired and went home. To end the night we bought Turkish Kebabs. Turns out Turkish kebabs are the same as normal kebabs.

Seems quite normal....

........Until you look below the belt...or presumably where a belt may be if he was actually wearing pants.

No trip would be complete without pretending to steal a caravan... or pretending to live in one

All in all it was a great night. Apologies to anyone who got sent drunken text messages :o)

Has the world gone crazy?

Following Mop's post "Big Brother, So Not Hot Right Now", we have also thought of some more things to say...

Family and women's groups and now even the politicians are still protesting about "Big Brother, Uncut" saying how the full frontal nudity should not be shown on our television screens, and find the behaviour of the housemates offensive. Big Brother Uncut is shown on Monday nights at 9:30pm, a well suited time for the program, and also a time that is late enough that young children should not be awake to see it.

Now we have discovered something far more disturbing than an exposed penis and people showering in a nude.

Law & Order: SVU is shown on Channel 10 (once again..) on Thursday evenings at 8:30pm. This weeks episode depicted a 7 year old boy being arrested for murder, because he shot his 7 year old female class mate. To add to this dilemma, it was discovered that the boy was looked after in the afternoons and evenings by a lady who also looked after 15 other children from the local neighbourhood. This lady's grandson was found to be using the boy as a drug peddler, and would take him to even worse parts of the neighbourhood, where he would witness behaviour that would be absolutely disturbing to any child.

The detectives found that the boy had witnessed a murder of the grandson's friend, by yet another man. The shooter then left the gun in the grandson's apartment and ran off. This is where the child obtained the gun. The grandson was later murdered by the same shooter. All in all it ends up that the boy was not shooting at the girl in the school yard, but was shooting at the murderers and gang members that were standing behind a fence, which he feared were coming to take his life. The boy does not get convicted, but is later killed by another youngin' only slightly older than the 7 year old who believes that someone needed to pay for his sisters death.

Now the problem we find here, is that nobody complains about Law & Order. Nothing is even thought of or mentioned about it, and yet it appears on our screens at an earlier time than Big Brother. Children are (hopefully) taught by their parents that nudity is publically unacceptable and they know that this behaviour will not be tolerated. But how would they react to see other children being arrested for murder, and not only this but see young men with their throat's slit and a series of gang warfare? Is it really "acceptable" and "inoffensive" to be shown on our screens at 8:30pm?

Of course, one may say that aside from decency, children are also taught the difference between fiction and reality, and that they would know that Law & Order is fictional (as it so flashes for about 2 seconds at the end of the show). It is quite amazing that the family groups and the politicians have nothing to say about this. Surely these images would be more damaging and more offensive to the child mind, than a useless display of people taking a shower or sunbathing nude? It is no wonder that child murders by other children are becoming more regular occurences (maybe not in Aus, but surely in the US) when it is displayed all over our television screens, especially when it is often depicted as acceptable behviour.

Parents, please, why don't you just send your children to bed at a decent time? They should not be awake to see the crime shown on Law & Order at 8:30pm, let alone Big Brother Uncut at 9:30pm. And once again to the protesters and the politicians - don't watch it, nobody is forcing you to watch it, just turn it off and watch something else. There are plenty of other people who do not find this type of behaviour offensive at all, and let's face it - the more you complain, the more the media are going to publicise it, and realistically, the higher the ratings will go for these shows. Really, you are only doing them favours.

Words of Wisdom

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shamed, then I look into the glass and think about the workers in thewinery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they mightbe out of work and their dreams would be shattered.Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

--Jack Handy

You and Your Stupid Movie (Part 2): FUNNIEST MOVIE QUOTES EVER

Following our post on humour, we have decided to deliver you with our all-time favourite funniest movie quotes...

Got any others? ...Leave them for us in the comments...

Zoolander:
1. "What is this? A centre for ants?"
2. "I guess I have a lot to ponder..."
3. "Are you not aware that I get all farty and bloaty from a foamie latte?!" -- "My mistake Jacobibb" -- "Your mistake indeed!"
4. "I'm sorry... Did my pin get in the way of your ass?! Do me a favour and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building! Get out! Get out!"
5. "Hansel... so hot right now... Hansel"

Billy Madison:
1. "Shampoo is better, I go on first and clean the hair!... Conditioner is better, I make the hair silky and smooth!... Screw you fool...nya nya nya.....Stop looking at me swan"

Team America:
1. "Wow! A flying limousine! Now I've seen everything!" -- "Really? Have you ever seen a man chew off his own head?" -- "No." -- "So you HAVEN'T seen everything!"

Dumb and Dumber:
1. "Radio? Who needs the radio?! Ready Harry?!" -- song -- Mock! (yeah) Ing! (yeah) Bird! (yeah) Yeah! (yeah) ... you get the point
2. "Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world" -- "arrrrrgggggeeeiiiiiggiiiiaiaaaaaeeeeeerrrrr"

The Longest Yard:
1. "Give me that cheeseburger" -- "Why you gotta be such a McAsshole?"

Van Wilder:
1. "Write that down." -- "I don't have a pen..." -- "Well remember it then."
2. "What is that intoxicating scent you're wearing Doris?" -- "I have cats" -- "Meow... crr... crr... crr..."

Mop and Suzie's theory on ... Humour

What is funny? Why is it that the things seen as humourous can differ so widely between people? We don't know, but we have decided that there are different forms of humour, as classified below:

Type of humour Number 1: The JACKASS humour
This type of humour usually involves some sort of shock value, pain or destruction. This kind of humour is the sort that often makes you think "Why would someone do that?"

Type of humour Number 2: The Mop and Suzie humour
This is usually just silly humour that we find extremely amusing and most other people do not. For example 'Rare Sea Horse' and the new game we invented on Saturday night where you have to try and fit the words Darth, Vadar, krkrckckrrrrr, Luke, I am your father and lightsaber to the tune of various songs played at pubs.

Type of humour Number 3: The intelligent humour
We don't usually understand this type of humour.... But we think it is when people use their knowledge on topics and manipulate such knowledge in a way that becomes funny. We attempt this humour often but are yet to discover it's true power.

Type of humour Number 4: Nerd humour
An example of this is when one nerd says to another nerd "well I think you should www.getalife.com." or "I'll RAM your hard drive." Usually only nerds find this funny. Sadly, forementioned Star Wars humour could also fit into this category.

Type of humour Number 5: Toilet humour
So-called 'comedians' such as Kevin Bloody Wilson and Rodney Rude have risen to great fame purely through the use of words such as; tits, fuck, arse, dick, McAsshole, brewery, nympho, lesbian, root, knob, your mum, knockers etc. Arrange the words in any order to create a song or spoken dialogue and apparently it will be funny. We, or course, are far above this sort of humour.

Mop and Suzie's theory on... Romance & Dating

We are not sure whether it is romance that is dead, or whether or not dating is just in a decline. These days, most people find it easier taking home someone from a drunken night at the pub, that actually having a one-on-one conversation whilst dining out at a restaurant. Have we become too easy? Have we really let out standards slip down to a poor "would you like to come home with me" and the "I'll give you a call" speech the morning after? Ultimately, unless you have come across the 1% of the male population (sorry guys, we are fussy and high-maintenance girls) that will buy you flowers, will take you out to dinner, and even buy you drinks at the pub, to the rest of us, romance and dating are dead.

Reasons why romance and dating is dead Number 1: Frugality
People, both male and female, have become tight-arses. Guys have given up the fact that it is unlikely that they will pick up and get a girl home, regardless of how many drinks they buy them. Girls just simply will never buy anyone a drink, except for themselves. This is why we were quite stoked when some random bloke bought us drinks on Friday night and did not even expect us to talk to him or even stand near him.

Reasons why romance and dating is dead Number 2: Effort

Who really wants to experience the discomfort of having to call someone and ask them out on a "date"? The whole thing seems just too cheesy really. It is much easier to send someone an SMS after a night out saying "come over" than bothering with the whole seduction-dating effort. Realistically, girls are willing to settle for this now, whereas previously they would not unless some very expensive piece of jewellery was given to them.

Reasons why romance and dating is dead Number 3: Female ego
Girls resent the fact that guys will no longer buy them drinks, and have assumed that they are all bastards. If none of them are going to treat them like the princesses that they are when they first meet, what hope is there for the future? It seems lot of women have unrealistically high expectatations of men, and believe that they deserve only the best.

Reasons why romance and dating is dead Number 4: Male ego
Guys resent the fact that girls are no longer having to depend on them. Years ago, it was almost unacceptable that a girl be at a bar or nightclub, unless she was escorted by a gentleman. These days, most of the time the girls will drink the guys down to oblivion, and if the guys are not going to buy them drinks, they will just buy their own. Girls are just making their mark on this world, are the female dominance is damaging to the male ego.

Reasons why romance and dating is dead Number 5: Rejection
Rejection is damaging to both the male and female ego. If there are no strings, no money involved, no uncomfort, then nobody gets hurt. We are all shadowed with pride, where we will no longer settle for second best. If there was no contest to begin with, then we cannot lose. See the chain: Romance = dating = relationship = marriage = alcohol = cheating = divorce. Why bother?

Maybe we are cynical, maybe we are so full of self-confidence that nobody lives up to our expectations anymore. We live in a world where having a taste of all the fish in the sea is expected of us (and don't get us wrong, fun at the same time). Deep down, perhaps all that we are looking for is simply a bunch of roses sitting at our front doors with a note saying "I'm coming over later". We suppose all it is that we need is just a little romance...

Suzie's* theory on ... Plurals

The English language was surely invented purely for the purpose of confusing people and making English a difficult area to teach. There are numerous flaws with the English language. One that is quite non-sensical is the existance of 's' to signify plural form. For example:

1 dog
2 dog
50 dog
3457 dog
many dog
lot of dog

Do we really need the s?

Perhaps the Chinese are onto something...

*Mop refused to put her name to this theory. I personally think this is a much more pertinent issue than romance blah blah blah....

Silly Saying #1

"[insert event / person here] bores the pants off of me..."

This saying does not make sense. If something orsomeone is boring, why would you take your pants off? Is the idea that removal of pants may make the moment less boring? Or is this a way of saying you are so bored that you are getting ready to go to bed and removing your pants in preparation? Perhaps this saying originated from the likelihood that a bored partner may get naked to stop their boring companion from continuing the boring behaviour? Maybe there was once an incredibly powerful boring spececiman that could remove pants just through the sheer boredom projected? Is it saying that people only remove their pants when they are bored? Does anyone really know how this saying came about?

This is a somewhat boring post. Are your pants still on?

Best. Picture. Ever.

RARE SEA HORSE

Mop says: Big Brother; so not hot right now?

I think it is one of those things when it comes to Big Brother - you either love it or you hate it. I think that I probably stand alone, in that I watch it, because there is nothing better on TV, and this will usually only last for a maximum of half an hour before I can't stand it any longer. Quite frankly, I really do not have a lot of interest in this show at all, particularly this year and the whinging lot of people that are in the house, mostly it just annoys me, but I do however find it quite fascinating the stir that it brings to our society.

Recently, NineMSN pubilshed an article which outlined groups condemning Big Brother's Uncut show, because of an incident between Gianna and Michael, where he was "massaging" her, standing behind her with his "penis exposed". Now, he didn't seem to mind, Gianna (although unaware) didn't seem to mind (once she was actually aware of the situation), and the producers of the show did not seem to mind. In fact, the only people who did seem to care were the "family organisations and women's groups" who find this behaviour degrading to both sexes, and even going as far as calling these actions sexual harassment.

However, the thing that annoys me the most, is that they claim that Uncut is not screened on our televisions late enough, and should not be "poured into our living rooms". But really, what right-minded, responsible parent would let their children still be awake at 9:30pm on a Monday night, and then again even allow their young children, or teenage children to watch this programme? 9:30pm has always been the time that "adult" shows were allowed to be screened on our TVs. Channel 10 has in no way broken these classifications. Rather than blame Big Brother, how about we blame the irresponsible parents of Australia, where if they are not happy with current TV programming, why don't they just switch it off and go read a book?

How about these so called "family organisations and women's groups" spend there time actually helping out real cases of sexual harassment, or teaching parents that it is not okay for their children to be watching such shows, particularly when they should be learning or studying, rather than waste their time preaching about a harmless television show that they clearly have no interest in watching. For the record, there is plenty more on TV to watch than the pointless antics on Big Brother; you'll find a TV guide in Saturday's West Australian.

You'll find this fantastic display of political correctness at:
http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=9734

Next Road Trip....Dunsborough

As soon as that school bell goes on Friday it will be time to head to Dunsborough. Got a few people together to go and watch Birds of Tokyo and Antistatic play at the 3 Bears pub. Should be a good weekend....

http://www.birdsoftokyo.com/flashmedium.html
www.antistatic.com.au

Lancelinsheneanigans

It all started at 10am Sunday morning....

Ring Ring
Suzie: (cough) hello?
Shendelle: What are ya doing?
Suzie: Sleeping
Shendelle: What ya doing today and tonight?
Suzie: Sleeping...then maybe Freo or Playaz Ball...
Shendelle: Wanna go to Lanno?
Suzie: OK. Do you wanna ring the backpackers to see if they have
accommodation
Shendelle: Nah, if theres nowhere to stay we can just keep on driving till
we find somewhere
Suzie: No worries. I'll pick you up at 1?
Shendelle: Yep, see ya then mate, don't forget your Pirates Stubby
holder.

So...to Lancelin we went. 15 entertaining events:

1. Went to Ledge Point to see Ridgy
2. Met a REAL cowboy
3. Suz had heart palpitations and hugely increased heart rate (too much duromine?) and thought she was gonna die (I'll just have a bourbon....that'll fix it...)
4. Met a bloke that was wearing a hideous jumper made out of alpacas
5. Played stacks-on in a tent with a guy wearing a Vaginamite shirt.
6. Got half the pub drinking Sqauashed Frogs (and buying em for us hehe)
7. Invented a new game - Strip Memory (if you find matching cards you nominate someone to remove an item of clothing)
8. Met a bloke whose job is to put the stickers on the apples. THE STICKERS ON THE APPLES!
9. Went to Two Rocks and found two rocks (and saw King Neptune who strangely has bloodshot eyes...)
10. Ended up kinda stranded at a caravan park at the opposite end to Lancelin to where we were staying.
11. Rang Geoff and woke him up cos LOve Shack was playing at the pub woot
12. Shendelle doing flips over a guy who we were calling Ben but have no idea what his name actually was and landing on Suzie's bed and spilling Doritos everywhere.
13. Shendelle's extreme generosity - "you can have the queen bed Suz, I'll just have the single." She had decided that the single bed would be less 'musty'
14. Went to the bakery wearing Pyjamas cos the hotel people told us it was chec k out time and we had to leave in a hurry.
15. Being given the title, "Hottest Chicks in Lancelin" hehe

Boowa Street

Today we decided to go to our new favourite shop, Meg Popple on Beaufort Street in Mount Lawley. On the way there we saw Bulwer Street. Now, this street never really stood out as being terribly special but that was before we spent a good 5 minutes discussing the pronunciation of "Bulwer"

Try saying it a few times. No matter which way you say it, it sounds ridiculous. Is it meant to be read phonetically - BULL WERE? Or is it a silent L - BOOWER? Is it a silent W - BULLER? We came to the conclusion that it sounds best as BOOWA street and from now on, that it what we shall call it.

The more times you say it the funnier it sounds....it seems we are entertained quite easily on Saturdays with killer hangovers!

Mop and Suzie's theory on ... Mowing the Lawn

Unnamed Real Estate Agent
Located across the road from the place we rent


Dear Real Esate Agent,

We have recently recieved advice that we are currently in breach of Residential Tenancy Agreement, section 2.16 Lawns and Gardens. You have requested that we maintain lawns and gardens to the same level as when we moved in. Your letter suggests that if we have any queries we should not hesitate to contact your office. Our queries and requests are as follows.

We have attached with this letter a maintenance request. In this request we ask for a fence to be ereceted around the perimeter of the property so that the 'poorly maintained' garden can not be seen from your office, which is conveniently located opposite the property in question.

We feel that the overgrown lawn should not be an issue. We are providing extra oxygen for the planet, reducing pollution through use of fuel powered lawn mowers and contributing to the beauty of the street. We are in fact hoping to grow the lawn long enough so that we can get Edward Scissorhands over to make some fancy grass sculptures.

We are also beginning to think that you are quite lazy over there in that office of yours. For one, you post the letter to our address when it is a 20 metre walk to put a letter in the mailbox or speak to us in person. The proofreading of your letters also reflects this laziness through numerous errors. This also makes you look unprofessional. Our errors are acceptable as we are not trying to run a profitable business or look professional.

You mention that we will get charged by the council for parking on the path as we are obstructing pedestrian traffic. This would read better as may get charged as we have been parking on the path for a while now with no problems yet experienced. The children and old ladies seem to enjoy walking around the cars and onto the soft green grass that we have grown especially for their use.

We hope that you give all of your tenants the same attention that you give us. It would be unfair for us to recieve this extra attention at the expense of other rent-payers who may desire to contact you for more important issues, such as burst hot water systems or ovens that don't work - 2 problems that took an unacceptable amount of time for you to address.

We also hope that you give the same attention to the inside of rental properties as we keep this place immaculately clean as opposed to the hovel it was when we moved in.

We are looking forward to your co-operation in these matters. It would be much appreciated if we could park on your lawn.

Yours faithfully,
Mop and Suzie